"Sorry, Mom. I'm airing my dirty laundry."
2020
gallery walkthrough at Jiang Shan Yi Gai Suo in Hsinchu, Taiwan
initial installation of this ongoing installation (+performance) series
mixed media installation
individual elements below
A Cave: cold and damp, I built it
Delving deep, into the Dark
My thoughts, my words, Creation
Caged. Restricted. Away from prying eyes
Alone in loneliness, forced yet self-imposed
A safe haven in its barbed confines
I tried to stay quiet, but Your Reach slithered in
Infecting, poisoning, convincing
I nudged, drew weak lines
But never fought back, never cut
Fearing a wrathful strike
A venomous Death
But my world collapsed around me
All the same, crumbling to ruins
A foundation turned ash, trust levelled
Falling, but never failing
Never succumbing to total despair
Grasping to rebuild in midair
Create new ground; A New Castle
Even alone
No cheering squad, no audience
Let alone a hand to hold; an Embrace
I could never feel
Thinking I could navigate, forge
With your beaded chain at my throat
Forget thriving, I kept it there
Wanting you close, hoping
Waiting for your hand to ease just one finger

But now I’ve learned
It’s not my job to wait, to teach
You’ll never admit it, but it was me,
Your Demon
Your Evil
A burden ill-assigned, misguided
A selfish veil of lies
Fuelled by self-imposed ignorance
Feigned righteousness
You choked me
Held me under Water holier than thou
Clutching, drawing blood
But always in Sunday’s finest
Tied in a bow
And I let you.
I took it, shouldered it
The burden you made me
Believing your status quo was my injustice
I wanted to save you, protect you
Shield you from harm
Even if you named it me
Out of consideration
Out of Love

But I can’t anymore. I won’t.
Hiding gnaws deeper than abandonment
It’s never in disrespect
You have your Truth,
And I need to tell my story
The darkness you fear is Shadow made light
I complied in hopes to make you see
To see me; to Love Me
But no more.
The Mask, the Fool, the Victim
I shed it. I let go.
I cannot be your doll
I will not
I choose to be me
Just me, whole
I build walls; thick, strong to attack
For my protection, my strength
For me to thrive
But there’s a door
Just knock. I’ll answer
I do this from solid ground, My ground
I need this
And I will always love you.

Sorry, Mom, I’m airing my dirty laundry.
"I never said that."
2019
black & white film photography, acrylic paint, yarn, photo series (5)
Untitled strung up element
2020
my old jacket, yarn, self-made net
"That's too sexy."
2020
my old clothes, scrap sleeves, buttons, knitting, white yarn
"No midriff."
2019
my old clothes from a thrift store in Hsinchu, Taiwan, cotton yarn
"Stop.": If a look could kill
2019
my old shirt from a thrift store in Tokyo, cotton yarn
"We wanted to protect you from yourself."
2020
my old dress, gift bag, knitting, yarn
"We did it for your protection."
2019
my old dress, knitting, white yarn
"I never weighed that much at your age."
2020
my old clothes and scrunchie, cotton yarn
"You've changed."
my old jacket, acrylic paint, white yarn, belted
2019
Berlin Street Shoes
2020
shoes I found on the streets of Berlin, acrylic paint, yarn
"Emulate the Virgin Mary."
2019
oil paint on canvas, cotton thread, my vibrator

FURTHER

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